Confusion crossing faces
I continue to explain
Feeling silly, waste of time
No progress, just chuckles
Feeling discouraged as I walk away
Passion shifts to annoyance
My flute sings off-key
Voices putting up a fight
Asking, is this worth it?
Silver slipping between fingers
Struggling to discard
Glinting metal pulls me back
No, Marsyas steals my flute
Steals my music
Steals my love
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hey niki,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your poem I thought it was very unique and really sort of summerized you well. I am not too familiar with your myth but I still see that you've made parallels with a myth.
For example I liked how you said "No, Marsyas steals my flute, steals my music, steals my love." This sort of gave me the impression that something very important is being taken away from you as a person, not necissarily a physical thing. I see how it relates to you being the very musical, and broadway girl, and also how sometimes no matter how hard you try people don't seem to get you. (I got that from the first stanza)
I think the only thing that could improve this poem would be to add more figurtive language. Like maybe describing the silver slipping between fingers more vividly with a metaphor or a simile. Other than that i really liked it.
-Angela.
alohaaaa nik,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Angela that your poem is very unique. I am also very unfamiliar with your myth but I do see some relevance to a myth. I really love how your poem is relevant to a great passion of yours, music. For me personally, the last stanza is confusing. (It could just be me though! :) ) You should explain the "silver slipping through your fingers". I feel that it could be more enhanced.
It is very clear that you would feel very lost without music. Your poem is very blunt in a way that makes it very easy to follow though.
-Lexie
Hi Niki,
ReplyDeleteFrom what I remember, Minerva is the Roman name for Athena. I am not sure about who Marsyas is...I agree with your teammates that it fits nicely with your passion for music. I actually like that last stanza about the silver slipping between fingers :) I don't understand the "struggling to discard" though...if something is slipping through your fingers it sounds as if you're trying to hold onto it, rather than trying to discard it.
Perhaps if you include more details from your own life, it may provide a fuller picture of the allusion.
mrs s