Have you ever noticed that we spend most of our lives waiting? We wait in lines, we wait for people, and usually we’re waiting for something to happen. Everyday our patience is tested. Even if we’re not aware of it. But most of the times we are.
If you’ve ever been to Disneyland you would know the agony of waiting in the ridiculous long lines. The first time I’ve ever been to Disneyland, I was 12. It was said that the wait for Space Mountain would be 1 hour and 30 minutes. But what was said to be 90 minutes, seemed like forever. Never, have I waited in a line for so long. You could imagine my mother putting up with my continuous complaints. Till this day, I still remember what she told me as I fussed, “Niki, patience is a virtue”. At the moment, I didn’t care is being patient would make me a good person or not. All I wanted was to see the end of that line. Then as the day grew older, I understood what she really meant. After waiting for hours in over 15 lines that day, I started to realize what meant. Being patient not only brought me to the end of lines faster, but I enjoyed my trip a lot more because waiting was the least of my problems. That is when I realized, being patient really was a virtue to be patient.
I’ve grown to be very tolerant. All my life, I’ve been in situations that keep stretching my ability to wait. Everyday I feel a little tormented by the media, my friends, my family, and most of the time myself. The dreams that I wish accomplish seem so close yet so far. I can see everything around me telling me that one-day all of those visions I see in my head will come true. But as for now, I’m going to keep waiting to hopefully see the end of this line. Because I can. Because I believe that with patience, I can achieve greatness.
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hey niki, I really liked your idea that patience is virtue. I think that your example show cases this belief well. I feel like this example doesn't seem to significant at first. But as the essay goes on I get how this experience molded this belief. The only thing I'd say is to maybe do more showing of your emotions then telling. Like describe what you did that shows that you were fussy.
ReplyDeleteI also liked the last paragraph. It really sums up your belief well, and ties the whole thing together.
Lastly (this is minor) but watch the grammar. Ex: "being patient really was a virtue to be patient" But those things can easily be fixed :]
Nik-
ReplyDeleteI really like how your essay was very short, sweet and simple. It was organized very well.
I think that a little more detail could be put into it. Like, the things you said while you were impatient or what you did later on to make the line seem shorter (just examples)
Other than that, I really liked it and great job.
-lex
Hi Niki,
ReplyDeletePretty cool how you took your Disneyland experience and developed your I Believe essay ;>
Like your teammates, I think it works well with the assignment. I also agree with them that you could add more specific detail to make the experience "come alive" for the reader. I also agree that you need to proofread carefully on the final; there are some careless errors ;>
mrs s